The gun debate rages on anew, with the flames refueled by the Florida school shooting. Other potential causes of our unique problem with gun violence, mass shootings and school shootings in particular are being identified, usually by the gun advocates. Mental health, removing God from schools and religion from public life, and other things. Do we have a gun problem? Do we have a mental health problem? Do we have a lack of purpose and meaning problem? I think the answer is probably, yes, to all of the above, but there is another problem that no one seems to be talking about. At least, I haven’t seen anyone talk about it until I read an Op-ed article in the NY Times today by Michael Ian Black, The Boys Are Not All Right.
In reading his piece, it dawns on my that, together with whatever other problems we have that contribute to make the United States the only country in the world in which school shootings occur on a regular basis, we have a boy problem. We have a problem with our boys. Our boys are not all right!
It shouldn’t be rocket science for us to realize that girls don’t do mass shootings. They just don’t. Most mass shootings are committed by adolescent boys or young, college-age men. The exceptions are older men. Girls don’t shoot people up like that.
This statistic should jump out at us!
Why are mass shootings, and school shootings in particular, committed by boys and by men? What is the difference between boys and girls, men and women, that explains this phenomenon?
Another fairly obvious statistic is that the incidents of mass shootings and school shootings, in particular, have risen exponentially in the last 30 years. In fact, just 40 years ago, mass shootings were quite rare. Now they have become routine, regular, common-place – whatever you want to call it. We aren’t even surprised any more. What has happened in the last 30 years to cause this spike in mass shootings and school shootings?
I think Michael Black has turned over the stone to a possible answer. My thoughts on the subject, inspired by his article, are linked here
In the middle of the Chicago Cubs incredible season and play off run, so far, in which the Cubs knocked off the team with the second best record in baseball (the Pirates) and then the first best record in baseball (the Cardinals), I have to pause. and, I am reminded about what is most important in life. Continue reading “Competing for the Prize”→
Just four years ago, a good friend of my son – a coach, a mentor, a teammate, a friend – died. Unexpectedly, he died. He was the epitome of strength and character, the product of hard work, moral fiber, faith and overcoming determination. He was a leader. He was a wrestler.
He was an overcomer. He fought off cancer and epilepsy in high school to place 5th as a senior in the Illinois State Wrestling tournament.
He was Jake Curby.
He coached my son to a runner up finish in the national Greco Roman wrestling tournament, and my son became his teammate at the Unites States Olympic Education Center. There Jake was a mentor, a beacon pointing the way to top of the Olympic ladder that Jake was climbing. From overcoming leukemia to 5th in the State wrestling tournament, from high school wrestling to earning a spot on the United States national team at 66kg in Greco Roman wrestling, Jake showed the way by doing it himself.
Jake returned from wrestling in Russia in January of 2010. He had jet lag from the time change. He was tired, but could not sleep. He went and worked out at the new senior level Greco Roman training center in Boise, ID where he was starting his final ascent to the top of the Olympic mountain. He returned to his home after the workout, and he died….
It was sudden and shocking. He was a specimen of strength, physical, character, emotional and otherwise. He had not had an issue with epilepsy for years. It seemed he had conquered that opponent, but he was worn out that day, tired and stressed by lack of sleep. Death came like a thief in the night and took him from us.
It was devastating to the USA Wrestling community, to the kids he coached, to his teammates and friends, to his family – to his fiancé – to all who knew him and celebrated his life. Few people at the age of 25 have the impact that Jake had, and few have been missed as much by so many people. He was the living example of a great human being with rock solid character and full of life.
Jake’s example lives on. His short, but full, life continues to be a source of inspiration for aspiring young people – not just wrestlers, but anyone who has a dream and dares to chase it. The Curby Cup that Jake’s father and mother and family and friends and the greater wrestling community have put on every year in the Chicago area is a testament to Jake’s life and the impact he has had on people. It is a marvelous event pulling in the best Greco Roman wrestlers in world to take on the best in the United States.
No one knows the day or hour that each person will breathe their last on this earth. There are no guaranties. What we do with the time that we have, the impact we have on those around us and how people remember us is our legacy. Jake is gone, but he still inspires. His sister, Courtney, has captured that sense of sacred time wonderfully in this short video.
Whether we live 25 years or 100 years, we all have the same end awaiting us. The time we have is a precious gift. There is no promise it will be easy. In fact, it most likely will not. It is in the striving, in the overcoming, in the courage to press on and to achieve the most that can be achieved with the raw material we have been given, that the fullness of being human is reached.
We live not as islands, as John Dunne penned, but are connected to the mainland of humanity. In all that we do, every single thing, we are influencing those around us for better or worse. Jake showed what it is like to live with a higher purpose and to dare to dream and chase those dreams with passion, determination, humility, good humor and grit.
Jake also showed the value of faith and the freedom that comes from leaving the things that we cannot change to the God who made us. That is the freedom that allows a person to run unhindered toward the goals before them without the baggage of worry, doubt, regret, fear or a hundred base emotions that pull at most of us like a pack of dogs on the hunt.
In the end, however, all of our human striving is empty, the medals and trophies and accolades are meaningless, without a connection to the God who made us. We can not take those prizes with us when we shuffle off these mortal coils…. but there is a better end awaiting us: a new beginning.
The gift of life that we have in jars of clay is a shadow of the eternal life that is promised by the God who dared to shed his own heavenly glory and walk humbly among us, suffering and dying a cruel death to show us that even death, itself, cannot hold Him…. And He offers that same gift to us.
The challenges and troubles believers face in this life are working in us an eternal glory that outweighs them all. We should all dare to dream of great things, but do not neglect to hitch those dreams to greater, eternal things. Our days chasing these earthly dreams will end. Jake’s dream ended, but a far greater glory awaited him and awaits us who set our hearts on God.
I have always said that the lessons learned in wrestling [or whatever sport or pursuit one chooses] translate to success in life. If a person learns to translate the lessons learned in childhood play to adulthood endeavors, and indeed “life” itself, that person will be successful. If that transition is not made, the richness of those experiences is lost and the experiences become only faded memories.
Wrestling is a particularly lesson rich sport. I learned two of the most profound lessons of my life through wrestling: 1) once you start something, you should finish it; and 2) don’t be afraid to fail. I think I have somewhat successfully instilled those attributes in my children. The memories of past triumphs (and unfortunately past failures) really fade in comparison with the life lessons that were learned through blood, sweat and fears I experienced through wrestling, and I carry them with me, as part of who I am, today.
Just two days ago, Jordan Borroughs won his 65th senior (Olympic) level match and with it his third consequetive world or Olympic title. He has never lost in senior level competition. Unknown to anyone but his coaches, Jordan severely injured his ankle in practice on August 22nd. He had surgery the next day. Two plates and five screws were implanted into his ankle, and he could not wrestle until the day he stopped out on the mat for the World Tournament on September 18th. The traits that make Jordan Burroughs a success come shining through in the interview with Flowrestling right after he came off the mat.
Jordan Burroughs describes in that Flowrestling interview the “five characteristics of a successful wrestler mindset”. These five things translate to a successful person mindset in whatever you do. Continue reading “Six Attributes of Success”→
The IOC recommendation to drop wrestling from the Olympics in 2020 has galvanized national and international support that runs across party lines and has brought together nations that have been on thin ice with each other. Democratic Governor Pat Quinn and Democratic Senator Cullerton, who put together the Senate resolution passed by the Illinois Senate in support of Olympic wrestling, and former Republican Speaker of the House, Denny Hastert, joined forces in Springfield this week for the occasion. This month, Iran will bring its Olympic team to Los Angeles to take on the USA Team in an effort to show the world how important wrestling is. Earlier this year, Iran hosted the a world wrestling event and cheered for the USA team in another showing of mutual respect precipitated by the sport of wrestling.
My last blog past came right after the IOC announced its recommendation to drop wrestling from the Olympics. I have been a fan of wrestling since I watched Dan Gable, Wayne Wells, and that legendary group of US wrestlers in the 1972 Olympics, and I became a wrestler myself that same year at the age of 12. I coached my sons and others for 15 years.
The time with my own sons was an inspiring father/son journey full of ups and downs, self-sacrifice and self-discipline, and monumental moments of heart and determination overcoming great odds in victory in between moments of great defeat. They had Olympic aspirations, and one of my sons has competed for years at the Olympic level.
I and my sons have participated in the world’s oldest sport, the purest form of sport, man against man, will against will, through hundreds and thousands of grueling hours of practice, back-breaking will-breaking work, forgoing food and drink to make weight for competition. We did these things for an earthly prize, a medal or trophy and the satisfaction of knowing that “I prevailed”.
But there is another story. There is something much greater than all this.